Inadequacy

I love research. I thrive on documents, books, articles, or any other type of resource that provides information on some kind of study done. It doesn't matter what the study is, if you say to me there has been some research done on the effect lady bugs have on the weather, I will run off to learn more about it. I don't know if it's my need to know it all personality, or just genuine curiosity, but I love learning about unknown topics as much as I love spreading what I know about them. Maybe that's why the scientific field I chose was teaching and not biology. I don't stick to one type of research either, I do make sure to look at all sides of a study done so I can come up with my opinion on the matter.

Most of my studies these days involve babies, obviously. I'm finding that as I research, and read, and study, it's getting easier and easier to see why so many women in this "great" country of ours feel so inadequate as mothers. I'm not a mother yet, and yet I already feel like I have failed.

Ain't that the truth, kid! 

I've recently been reading about breastfeeding. I have two mindsets on pregnancy, the first is that women have been doing this for millions of years, so it is a very natural thing, and what ever happens will happen. The second being, I should probably learn some basic skills, like breastfeeding, before the baby comes so I'm a little prepared. I'm not concerned about delivery, again millions of years, or caring for Hazel. I've changed many diapers, and provided some kind of care for children of all ages. I'm not even worried about getting the nursery ready. If it's ready when she arrives, great, if it's not, she won't know the difference. What I do worry about is things I don't know, like breastfeeding, and how to incorporate that into my full time working life. A full time working life that does not have the option of changing into a part time, or stay at home, kind of life.

From all my research, I've been feeling like I will be an inadequate mother because I won't be able to give Hazel the actual time and care she needs in those first crucial months, let's be honest, for her whole life! When I go back to work, Hazel will only be 8 weeks old. I find myself getting more and more upset at that fact the closer we get to having her. I'm mostly angry that we live in a country where women are treated as princesses while they are pregnant, and then left to the wolves once baby comes. Pregnancy is the easy part. The hard part is what comes after. In this country women are expected to pop out a kid, have their 6 weeks of healing because that's how long it takes to recover from having a child, and get on with their lives. There is no support given to provide bonding time between mother and child, no support given to the emotional healing and growing time that mother and baby both need after birth.

I know that I am not alone in this struggle. It's the nature of the beast living in a developed nation like our own. There are many mommy blogs, books, groups, and forums out there discussing this same fact, yet nothing changes. I know that this will be a life long struggle of mine, and I, as all working mothers, will have to work very hard to find that balance between caring for my child, and providing so we have food on the table. Please don't think I am being selfish and forgetting that I have a very loving and supportive husband because I know I do, and this life I lead would not be possible without him, but as a woman, and soon to be mother, these are the struggles I will face.

So, to end this little post, I will continue my research, so when Hazel arrives I will be prepared. I will cherish every second of my maternity leave, and be thankful that when I do return to work, it will only be for a short while before summer kicks in :).






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24 Weeks and Counting

Today we hit the 24 week mark, wahoo! This means two things, according to medical research, if Little Miss were to be born now she would have the ability to survive outside the womb, with lots of medical support, and we have 16 more weeks to go! It still feels like a lot to me, so I'm not terribly stoked about the second stat.

As far as the rest of our lives go things are pretty much the same around here. I've got the usual pregnancy symptoms for this stage of the game, we've registered for items Miss Hazel will need to survive, and Joey is doing an awesome job of putting up with me, so it feels like a win win for all involved :-). 

Little Miss' new thing this week is, hiccups! I have to say I feel a bit sorry for her in there because I hate when I get hiccups, so I can only imagine how miserable it must be to suffer from them multiple times a day! Good thing they're helping her diaphragm grow :-). 

As promised from last week's rant here's an updated pic of Hazel and me :-)

Cheers! 

24 weeks, and yes, I feel as tired as I look....