“Home is home, be it ever so humble”

We've lived at Small House Love for 1 year and 7 months now. In that time, we have worked to make it a more livable space. I have also worked to accept the fact that 942 sq ft is all I'm gonna be getting for a while. It's still hard to swallow, and I still daydream and search for new houses on a weekly basis. I don't need to be told that, "There are people who have nothing, so you should be happy" blah blah blah. I already know this, and I also know that I am suffering from First World Problems. It doesn't change that fact that I would like a third bedroom and a second bathroom. Sorry for sounding bitter - that is really not my intent here. Back to the issue, in the 1 year and 7 months we have lived here, I have been pushing to not accept this little space we have been given, but that has all changed in the past several months. I have come to start enjoying our little house, and I've even started to make it look like people live here.

A few posts ago I wrote about needing some inspiration for the large grey wall that encompasses the living room. I'm not sure if it actually counts as a living room, but that is what I am calling it :). I got some helpful ideas, but none that I was in love with. Then through the generosity of the in-laws, we got beautiful new floors and I started seeing potential in this small house. I actually started picturing Joe and I living here - you know, have our things around. Things that have lived in boxes since we moved. Things that seemed so sad and unloved.

I started with a photograph I purchased from next door neighbors I grew up with, and from there the ideas just kept flowing. The photograph is a beautiful black and white of the Grand Tetons and an old log home. I surrounded the art with my own photos from my trip to Montana. Personally, I think it is a great mix of color and black and white. This arrangement sits behind our kitchen table. I next started picturing shelves to take up space on the big grey blob you see when you walk in the door. Don't get me wrong, I love the color of the big grey blob, but it was just so big and empty.

I have a few antique pieces that make up the majority of the furniture in the living room. These were my inspiration for what to put on the shelves. I have acquired pictures from our grandparents' weddings along with a wedding photo of the hubs and I. Personally, this is my all-time favorite thing in the entire house. While it is still a work in progress, I think it is a beautiful mix of the families that brought Joe and I together. I also added a bookshelf to break up the living space from the eating space since they are in the same room.

The final piece is a big green chair. Since I didn't want to act like we were staying at this tiny abode for very long, I had a hard time deciding if I wanted seating for guests in the living room. The chair we have had for a while, and I had it tucked away in the second bedroom. Since the shelves and photographs started making our house feel more like home, I decided to bring it down for a try. I think it is a little larger than I actually want, but it does its job, for now, and pulls the room together. I know that Tilly and Poe really enjoy lounging on it to sunbathe.

I'm still working on the lighting situation. We have to get rid of that abombination above the table, and it's still a bit dark at night, but I am pleased with the direction things are going :)


Here are some updated pics :)

Cheers!!!

Grand Tetons Photo

The "grey blob"

What we began with

Pretty, but not welcoming

A bit bland....

Come on in :) (As usual, Sweets is trying to steal the spotlight)

The illusive Tilly

All together

Wedding photo arrangement. Still waiting on a couple of pics

Montana pictures

A bit more lively 

Short and Spectacular!

The one and only Sweetledeets lounging in her new space :)

 I have to begin this post by sending out a huge thank you to the in-laws. Without their generous gift, this post would not be happening. In the 10 plus years Joe and I have been together, Mark and Sharon have welcomed me into their home, let me live in sin with their son while we were at college, and just support every single decision Joe and I have made together. They ask very little in return, and I know that for the remainder of our years, Joe and I will never be able to repay the debt we owe these two beautiful people.

We also need to thank Joe's Aunt Cindy and her partner, Tami. Cindy and Tami gave up three days to make the trek down to Maryland to install the floors. They worked non-stop and without complaint. They are another pair that we will be doing all we can to repay their efforts for us.

It is truly great to have such support and free help :)

Oh, and a big thank you to my model, Sweetums! She really knows how to liven up a pic :)

OK, enough with the gushing :) This will be a short post because I was not part of this DIY project. Due to previous plans, and some extenuating circumstances, I was unable to be there to help. All I really know about this project is that it was not as easy as it seemed, there was the slight under estimate for the amount of floor needed, and that "just click and go" is some sick joke floor companies play on you to lure you into buying their product.

I do have to say the end results are phenomenal. I can't stop staring at these beautiful laminate floors. They are the perfect color, they have a great texture to them, and they really make our first floor look double in size. They also make me want to put on my dancing shoes and dance the night away!! I also know that now I am disappointed in the appearance of the kitchen cabinets, and the lack of finishing touches in this space. One thing at a time, I know, but these floors are pushing me to blow our monthly budget to make our living space look great :). Here are some pics for your enjoyment! Stop on by and come enjoy these fantastic floors anytime!!



Cheers!

The beginning. How this little house looked when we bought it  :)

Beginning Cont.- I do not miss that stove at all. Check out that cheesy vinyl on the floors....

Middle- New paint job - old carpet

Middle- new paint job - old carpet

Old kitchen floor with updated appliances :)

Preparations

Preparations

Making progress :)

A bit more progress

Sweetums really loves the new floors! She has a whole section of the house just for her to cool off on :)

She had a really hard day of laying around and getting in the way :)

Please ignore the cardboard. There are some final touches still needed :)

Seriously, Sweets really loves them :)

My tootsies enjoying the "wood"

                                                                     

I apologize for the dark pictures, and all the Sweetums shots. It is near impossible to have a pic with her not in it, and the iPhone doesn't allow for professional pics :)

Help!

There are two things you see when you walk into our house, a table with four chairs, and a big grey empty wall. It's not cozy and it's not very welcoming. If anything it is stark and cold. We have lived at Small House Love for almost a year and a half. Since we moved in, I have had several ideas for this space, and all of them have failed for one reason or another. I know that we could use some extra seating down here, and I know that some art work is probably in order. Maybe some shelving?? I don't know what to do. I would like some input from those of you who take the time to read this little blog. What should we do with this space?? Please keep in mind that on the joining wall behind the table will be a beautiful b&w photograph of  The Grand Tetons. Help!

Cheers!!

Big grey empty wall. Sad and lonely looking for some inspiration.

Photo to be placed on joining wall behind the table. Gorgeous right?? If i could live in that house till my end days I would be one happy girl. 

Not so dirty laundy

Hello, my name is Sarah, and I have Bipolar II disorder.

A little more than a year ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. After my diagnosis, I was in complete denial. I was embarrassed, I felt ashamed, and I didn't know how I was supposed to act. For a while it sent me into a deeper depression than I was already in. The really hard part was figuring out how to accept this diagnosis.

Mental illness is still a taboo topic in our country. It is something that is not discussed frequently. There is lack of knowledge about mental illness by the public, and I feel, that there is a definite air of insecurity around the topic. I think that some people still believe that mental illness is not a real thing, and that it can be turned on and off. I found that some people don't know how to act around you. Many people that I told questioned my diagnosis immediately. I frequently got asked, "Are you sure?" "You should seek a second opinion." "Those doctors don't know what they are talking about." My favorite response was "You don't seem bipolar." The responses only reinforced my feelings of embarrassment. I struggled immensely in my therapy sessions working on coming to terms with this disorder. I frequently questioned the diagnosis looking for a loophole or way out.

Finally, I had a breakthrough. In one of my sessions, my therapist asked me if I had a different disease, like diabetes, would I be ashamed about it? I quietly answered no, and then something clicked. I asked myself  "Why should I be ashamed?" This is a disease. This is not something I am choosing. This is like diabetes. It is something that I have to learn to live with and treat. Bipolar disorder is nothing to be ashamed of.

As part of my acceptance, I am sharing with you all. I do not want special treatment from you. I want you to treat me as the same Sarah you knew before you read this because I am still her.

Living with Bipolar II is something I deal with on a daily basis. I know that there will be times when I will suffer from almost crippling depression. I know that there will be times where I might lose control of my situation. I know that this is a disease I can pass on to my children, and I know that their lives will be harder because of it. I also know that it does not define who I am. I refuse to let this disease take over my life. I refuse to let my life be any more affected than it is. I'm not going to say that I will conquer this disease, but I will say I am up to the challenge.

I have become pretty passionate about mental illness awareness. Anytime a conversation, which is not frequent, turns to mental illness, I try to advocate. We need to start bringing awareness to these disorders. They need to stop being pushed under the rug.

Please be aware of those around you, and make sure that you support them in all they are struggling with. You may not understand the disease they are suffering from, but you can help by accepting them as they are.

The root of all evil...

I find myself frequently getting bogged down about money. It's not something that I have a lot of, and to be perfectly honest, getting more isn't going to improve anytime soon. I have an insane amount of student loan debt. In fact, my student loan debt almost matches what Joe and I took out for our house! I have come to terms with the enormous monthly payments, but what I have not come to terms with is the fact that every time I think we are getting settled or ahead, those blood sucking bastards raise my bill!!

Recently my bill went up about an extra $70 a month. We don't really have an extra $70 lying around. Even as I am writing this, I am almost breaking out in hives from the stress of it! Deep breaths. In and out. There we go....

It's mostly frustrating because the reason I have this debt is so I could "get ahead" in life and yet it's holding me back. There are many days when I think "What the hell was I thinking! Be a teacher???  You damn fool!"

Then I walk into my classroom the next day and have one of my students who is practically a mute come up and start a conversation with me about how they had a mouse in their house and how exciting it was to try and catch it. Or another who is reading at a level so low there are no more than two words on a page, and they figure out an unknown word on their own. Seriously my heart soars on those days. In reality, I really am making a difference in their little lives. I don't mean like "hey you're a teacher you make a difference." I mean, I created a bond with that little boy who is too afraid or shy to talk, and I taught that little boy strategies to read that word. I know that I am not alone in this job, and there are endless people to thank, but on those days I know that no matter how little money I have in my pockets, I am doing something that really is truly amazing.

As my previous post stated, I am suffering from baby fever, and as it also stated, I am scared as hell we'll have no money to provide for the little life. As I look back on every month, I need to take into account that:
1. I am still here, and those few extra lbs are proof I am not starving.
2. We do have money that does get our bills paid and a teeny, tiny, little bit left over for some fun things.
3. Screw it, life always seems to work out how it is supposed to.

As my husband pointed out, after talking me off the ledge for the umpteenth time, "We'll go through this together and come out just fine =0)"

Cheers!

Sustenance

Around June of this year, Joe and I decided to start making a life change. We, mostly I, said you're doing this, decided to start eating clean. I had put on 15 lbs of unwanted weight since October of last year, and I needed to do something about getting rid of it. I am totally unmotivated when it comes to working out. I hate it! I don't like thinking about it, I hate how I feel when I am working out, and usually when I am finished I think "What a waste of my time, I could have been lounging on the couch watching the telly." I know I am a lazy ass. The Eat Clean diet was brought to my attention by a Facebook friend. She had done a couple of posts about it, and I got curious so I started researching myself. I found that the "creator" -  Tosca Reno -  had some very motivating things to say. Since I am a lazy ass, this diet really appealed to me because all I had to do was shop and eat. I could totally do that :).

Let me give you a short description of the Eat Clean diet. It really draws your attention to what you are putting into your body. In this world of processed and lab created foods, Eat Clean gets you to start reading the label and cutting out all that junk. Recognizing that what you put into your body determines the shape and feel of you. Now, let me say that I am not a total stickler as I am sitting here eating a hand full of M&Ms, but I do work very hard to follow the diet. Tosca does allow treat days, which I allow almost every day, but with that said, even my treats have moved to becoming a more clean version. I look for sweets that have all natural ingredients, no added preservatives, or refined sugars. I am also finding that my taste for sweets and junk food has decreased tremendously since I started eating clean. I don't crave it as much, and when I do eat it, I only have a small amount because I just don't want it.

Since starting the diet I am down 12lbs! I want to make clear, that there has been almost no exercise at all to get these results, and I want to also make clear that not exercising is not part of the Eat Clean diet. In fact, Tasco Reno makes it very clear that exercising is a very important part of a healthy life, and by exercising you increase the foods ability to work better for your body. In fact, I know that if I did make an effort to work out I could shed those extra 3lbs I need to get back to where I was before the weight gain, and I could lose those 5lbs I would like to reach my goal weight. Since I am a lazy ass that's probably not going to happen, so they will just have to come off slowly ;).

I really just wanted to share this information because I have become a big supporter of knowing what you put into your body. Let me also say that I do not totally agree with the "organic" way of life and find that unless it says USDA or FDA approved on the label, you are being swindled. So please make sure to turn that can, jar, or bag of food around before you buy. If you can't read it, don't eat it!

Cheers!!

It's about time

So, for the past year or so I have been suffering from an almost crippling disease, baby fever. This disease has left me constantly thinking of having a baby, almost weeping at the sight of a baby, and even contemplating the stealing of babies. I know my good friend Kim agrees with me when I say, this is a serious disease, people! 

To remedy this problem, I have decided to blog about it to make those who suffer from this disorder aware that they are not alone. There is help and a cure. Have a kid! 

The hubs and I have been talking, and talking, and talking, and talking about this delicate issue. We've decided to go ahead and give it a go sooner rather than later :). Once this decision was made, my serious disease turned into a serious reality. I go from moments of knock me up right now, to keep that thing away from me!!! It's a freaking huge commitment! I mean seriously, we would be adding to the already over populated world, and not to mention we are practically dirt poor! Like how are we going to feed this little human?? I am a huge advocate of, if you can't feed it don't breed it! With that said, I am also a huge advocate of, screw it, life always works out in the end. 

I have spent countless hours, days, weeks, and months debating this issue in my head. Do we have the cash? We'll never have the cash. Am I ready for this? I'll never know the answer to that until it happens. How can we make this work? Our house barely fits us! What will happen when I go back to work? What if I lose my job? What if Joe loses his job?? I mean the list is endless, people. I wouldn't even say that is a fraction of what I am thinking. It's stressful, and I'm not even close to being knocked up. Just the other night I had a melt down, and swore off ever having children! 

Now, since this baby fever is a serious disease, these set backs are a normal part of the process to getting better. I can honestly say that while I am exited at the prospect of adding to our family, I am scared as hell. I mean, I can barely make it through the week remembering to put deodorant on every day! I'm serious, people. I apologize to all I have to stand next to. 

Here's to a new adventure! Cheers, folks :) 

P.S. Joe does not approve this blog post ;p