Inadequacy

I love research. I thrive on documents, books, articles, or any other type of resource that provides information on some kind of study done. It doesn't matter what the study is, if you say to me there has been some research done on the effect lady bugs have on the weather, I will run off to learn more about it. I don't know if it's my need to know it all personality, or just genuine curiosity, but I love learning about unknown topics as much as I love spreading what I know about them. Maybe that's why the scientific field I chose was teaching and not biology. I don't stick to one type of research either, I do make sure to look at all sides of a study done so I can come up with my opinion on the matter.

Most of my studies these days involve babies, obviously. I'm finding that as I research, and read, and study, it's getting easier and easier to see why so many women in this "great" country of ours feel so inadequate as mothers. I'm not a mother yet, and yet I already feel like I have failed.

Ain't that the truth, kid! 

I've recently been reading about breastfeeding. I have two mindsets on pregnancy, the first is that women have been doing this for millions of years, so it is a very natural thing, and what ever happens will happen. The second being, I should probably learn some basic skills, like breastfeeding, before the baby comes so I'm a little prepared. I'm not concerned about delivery, again millions of years, or caring for Hazel. I've changed many diapers, and provided some kind of care for children of all ages. I'm not even worried about getting the nursery ready. If it's ready when she arrives, great, if it's not, she won't know the difference. What I do worry about is things I don't know, like breastfeeding, and how to incorporate that into my full time working life. A full time working life that does not have the option of changing into a part time, or stay at home, kind of life.

From all my research, I've been feeling like I will be an inadequate mother because I won't be able to give Hazel the actual time and care she needs in those first crucial months, let's be honest, for her whole life! When I go back to work, Hazel will only be 8 weeks old. I find myself getting more and more upset at that fact the closer we get to having her. I'm mostly angry that we live in a country where women are treated as princesses while they are pregnant, and then left to the wolves once baby comes. Pregnancy is the easy part. The hard part is what comes after. In this country women are expected to pop out a kid, have their 6 weeks of healing because that's how long it takes to recover from having a child, and get on with their lives. There is no support given to provide bonding time between mother and child, no support given to the emotional healing and growing time that mother and baby both need after birth.

I know that I am not alone in this struggle. It's the nature of the beast living in a developed nation like our own. There are many mommy blogs, books, groups, and forums out there discussing this same fact, yet nothing changes. I know that this will be a life long struggle of mine, and I, as all working mothers, will have to work very hard to find that balance between caring for my child, and providing so we have food on the table. Please don't think I am being selfish and forgetting that I have a very loving and supportive husband because I know I do, and this life I lead would not be possible without him, but as a woman, and soon to be mother, these are the struggles I will face.

So, to end this little post, I will continue my research, so when Hazel arrives I will be prepared. I will cherish every second of my maternity leave, and be thankful that when I do return to work, it will only be for a short while before summer kicks in :).






Images provided by, Google

24 Weeks and Counting

Today we hit the 24 week mark, wahoo! This means two things, according to medical research, if Little Miss were to be born now she would have the ability to survive outside the womb, with lots of medical support, and we have 16 more weeks to go! It still feels like a lot to me, so I'm not terribly stoked about the second stat.

As far as the rest of our lives go things are pretty much the same around here. I've got the usual pregnancy symptoms for this stage of the game, we've registered for items Miss Hazel will need to survive, and Joey is doing an awesome job of putting up with me, so it feels like a win win for all involved :-). 

Little Miss' new thing this week is, hiccups! I have to say I feel a bit sorry for her in there because I hate when I get hiccups, so I can only imagine how miserable it must be to suffer from them multiple times a day! Good thing they're helping her diaphragm grow :-). 

As promised from last week's rant here's an updated pic of Hazel and me :-)

Cheers! 

24 weeks, and yes, I feel as tired as I look....

Thar she blows!

This is how I'm feeling today. Like a huge freaking whale! Let me point out that I realize I am 5.5 months pregnant and I'm supposed to gain weight. I know that I am only going to get bigger, but that's not helping! I caught a glimps of myself in a mirror and was horrified at the reflection. I mean if I'm this large now how freaking big am I gonna get?!  

Recently it was pointed out to me, by a coworker, that it's staring to show in my face that I am pregnant. Aka I have fat face. Today another coworker told me I'm carrying this baby in my booty..... Both these women are lucky they are still alive. 

I knew I was going to get large, but it's getting pretty hard to accept the weight gain. I know I bring it on myself because my eating habits have practically gone down the toilet since our first pregnancy and they have just gotten worse with Little Miss. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to stand by the time this is all over because I'll be the size of a house! 

So to ease my mind, I'm going to go stress eat my second brownie of the night, prop up my swollen fat feet, and cry a little that my shirts have stopped covering my belly....

No update pics till next week when my hormones have possibly leveled and I'll be feeling less camera shy :-)

Cheers!

Halfsies

We hit the 20 week mark today! Wahoo!! Although, to be honest, I'm feeling more like "We're only halfway there?!" instead of "We're halfway there!" To me, growing a kid seems to be taking forever, and knowing that I still have 20 more weeks to go seems outrageous! Everyone has told me that time is flying by, so I will take their word for it and try to change my view on the timetable :). 

8 week sonogram

I know most women are starting to get anxious around this time about getting things ready for the baby, but since I feel like we still have an eternity to go, I'm not worried about anything. We'll start the nursery when I am home over winter break, and have a shower sometime after, and then we'll be all set. I am mostly worried about fencing in the backyard before Little Miss makes her arrival because we are entering the winter months, but I am sure it will get done :). 

I've continued to have numerous people warn me against cloth diapers; in fact just the other night, a friend of mine sent me home with some new born diapers. I politely took them, figuring we can use them as drool catchers for Sweetums. Here's my thoughts on the cloth diapers: if we hate them, or find them to be too much work, we'll sell them on eBay and use disposable, but I am going to give them an honest try. Also, after feeling how soft the cloth diapers are, I am jealous of Little Miss' rump. I wish my underoos were that soft.  

12 week sonogram

I have been feeling Hazel a lot this week. More and more throughout the day, not just at night. That's been pretty fun, and a bit inconvenient because she likes to use my bladder as a trampoline. It sure makes it hard to teach when you constantly feel the urge to pee!

After months of little to no meat, I woke up Monday morning wanting nothing but pot roast smothered in gravy with mashed potatoes on the side, and I have been a serious carnivore since! I have sauerkraut and hot dogs cooking in the crock pot as we speak, and for lunch today I had some beef brisket. It was amazing! My apologies to any vegetarians or vegans out there, but I am so happy to have meat back in my life :)

We had our 20-week anatomy scan on Monday, and Little Miss is looking like a healthy baby. All her measurements are in the "normal" range, and she was moving and shaking in there. The doctor told us it was good we already knew the gender because she was being very shy about showing us her goods! I thought, they're lucky I already knew because I would have demanded as many sonograms as it took until she started cooperating. As a bonus, we'll get another sonogram at our next appointment because of her lack of cooperation :).

Here's to a continued happy and healthy pregnancy :)

Hazel- 20 weeks!

The Name Game

The cover of Saga Vol. 1

So, Joe and I have had Little Miss named for quite some time now. We've told a few people here and there when they've ask, but we figured why not just let everyone know :). A lot of people tell us we may change our minds when Little Miss arrives, and that could be true, but I don't usually change my mind. Once it's made up I stick with my choice :). Joe and I decided on, Hazel Elizabeth.

Once we tell people, the first question is where did we get the name from. As many know Joe and I are a bit nerdy. I am hooked on the comic book, Saga. The two lead characters have a daughter, and they name her Hazel. I thought it was a truly beautiful name. Another reason I am really fond of the name is because it isn't terribly popular. Hazel will also have a pretty cool story to tell about how she got her name. I mean not many people can claim being named after a seriously awesome book with a stellar opening line like this.......

Page 1

For those who may not be able to read, shes saying, "Am I shitting? It feels like I'm shitting." As someone who is known to curse like a sailor, I thought that line was great! I mean it doesn't get more real than that. For those of you who are curious about why she's saying this terrific line should pick up the book. It'll change your life. I swear. 

Well, that's the story in a nut shell. Little Miss will be known as Hazel Elizabeth :)

I thought I'd also include some updates in case anyone was curious. I'm 18 weeks 3 days. Currently I am off meat. I can't stand it unless it is doused in mayonnaise, which is a condiment I haven't eaten since I was 12. When I say doused I mean like thoroughly drenched. To give you an idea, I just had some chicken salad that was pretty much a jar of mayonnaise with a piece of shredded chicken..... don't judge. Other than that I pretty much just avoid meat all together. Which is very strange because I am a serious carnivore otherwise! 

The bump is growing and I've started to feel Miss Hazel move :). It's very sporadic, mostly when I'm lying in bed. She feels like light tapping and somersaults.  

I recently purchased a Doppler because I am still on edge. I don't think my anxiety will fully go away until Hazel is here. Joe and I recently registered, and as soon as we got home I almost deleted everything off the list. I didn't, and I have been working hard to add some more things. Believe me, I am excited, and that's the scary part. The Doppler has helped ease some anxiety because I get to hear Little Hazel's heart beating away.

Here are some progression pics:

Update

I figured I add some updates of Little Miss. We've already started receiving some cute gifts for her, and I have to say it's making me very excited :). We've got her cute little diapers, a really sweet Pens cap, and Joe's mom has already knitted the cutest outfit ever! I've already decided she will be coming home from the hospital in it :). Here are some progress pics and an update.

I can't wait to bring Little Miss home in this adorable outfit! 

Let's go Pens! She will never be a Caps fan!!!!

At this point I am 15 weeks and 3 days. I am getting my energy back and starting to feel a little more like myself. I've put on a bit more weight than I would've liked to, and I am trying very hard not to obsess over that! I still feel like I am eating cereal by the box, and I could eat fruit at any time of day. I am pretty sure I have lost my mind because my baby brain is out of control. Sometimes I can't remember what I said form one sentence to the next. My kids at school think I'm nuts for sure! Little Miss is sitting on a nerve, or so I think, and I know I am going to be in for a long 5 months of back pain. The good news on that front is, she is not constantly sitting there, so I do get some relief :). Although there are moments I feel like I am crippled! Again, my poor students think I am nuts! All in all I am feeling pretty fantastic :). 

Cheers! 

Cloth Diapers

When Joe and I got pregnant with BabyV, we started thinking about the costs of having a baby. Turns out it's wicked expensive. One of the most expensive things is diapers! They range in price, quality, and size. We did some calculations and decided that our baby was gonna have to be potty trained by the time we brought it home from the hospital! So, after my little freak out, I started doing some research on cloth diapering.

I've continued that research with Little Miss. I spoke with friends who use cloth, joined a couple of forums, and constantly Googled brands and comparisons. I found myself slightly overwhelmed, but very determined to dig through and come out with a brand! I finally did after about 7 months of searching. Let me go into the little bit that I learned about cloth diapering and then into the brand I chose.

There many options for cloth diapering. There are prefolds and covers, fitted with covers, pocket diapers, all in ones (AIO), and all in two or hybrids. Prefolds are the old school diapers. You actually take the cloth diaper and fold it into the shape of a diaper and attach using diaper pins or a Snappi. Then you place a waterproof cover over the diaper to hold everything in. Fitted diapers already come shaped like a diaper and have snaps or Velcro to keep them closed. After you place the diaper on the baby, you put a waterproof cover over top to keep everything in. Pocket diapers have a pocket in the waterproof cover that you stuff the absorbent diaper into. AIO are pretty self explanatory. They whole diapering system is in one diaper. There is no folding, taking off cover, or stuffing. It's all in one. All in twos are similar to AIO, but the absorbent part is removable, which means the cover can be used again for multiple changes.  Then there are a lot of accessories to consider, like cloth wipes, sprayer, wet bags. I mean the list goes on.

Very overwhelming indeed. I found that once I started researching, it wasn't so overwhelming once I figured out all the lingo and needs. The beauty of cloth diapering is you can mix and match your needs. One consensus was if you are going to cloth diaper you need to make sure you have a complete set before baby comes. Some people recommend trying a few brands out then choosing, but most recommend picking a brand a head of time. That way there is no confusion, you have everything you need, and you can get used to the system with baby on hand.

I decided on the brand Softbums. They come in pocket and all in two. I went with the Echo all-in-two system. The outer shell can be reused multiple times before washing, and the inserts are easy to transport. I had many conversations with a friend and this is her brand of choice, so I feel confident about my choice :). Softbums offers two options for their inserts - fleece and bamboo. I chose bamboo because it is 60% more absorbent and has antibacterial properties. Bamboo was a bit more pricey, but I figured since they are going to be used over and over I should get what I want :).

Softbums offers packages or individual diapers. I chose their good-to-go package. I got 9 shells and 36 inserts in the package. I added a few other shells and inserts to make sure I would have enough. I really like that Softbums gave an unbiased breakdown of the types of cloth diapers - they go over the cost of each type and how many you would need based on washing preferences. From their calculations, Joe and I should only be washing about every 3 days and then once a week when Little Miss gets older.

I've heard a lot of skepticism from people when I tell them my choice. Things like "that's going to be a ton of work! You're going to be doing a ton of laundry so you really wont be saving money. Cloth diapers are so expensive. You'll never be able to take your baby anywhere." The comments went on and on. I just polity smiled and nodded and stayed confident in my choice.

The price we paid for the entire set of diapers is roughly the cost of three months worth of disposable, and we won't be adding to the insane amount of diapers that are added to landfills each year, which can take an estimated 200-500 years to decompose! My inner hippie screamed when she read that stat! We will have a diapering system for all our babies, should we choose to have more than one. Joe is set on making sure we like the first one before we decide on having more :).

Our diapers arrived last night, thanks to the generous donation of my mom :). Aren't Nanas the best??!! I was super stoked about this arrival, and realized that my life is already changing in ways I never thought it would. I mean, I literally got excited about the device that is going to hold my child's waste. I do have to say that cloth diapers are super cute, so that was part of the excitement :)

Happy Diapering, Folks!

Good to Go Pack 

Cutest diapers ever!!!