I knew that once I told people I was pregnant, I would be flooded with advice from the mommy pros. I understand it's a very natural thing to want to do. Most of the time it's solicited, some of the time it's not, and then there is advice that is just so unwanted it takes everything in me not to cause physical harm to the advice giver. I am finding this getting more and more difficult with one advice giver in particular.
I have this acquaintance, for identity purposes we are going to call her MR F. Those of you who have seen Arrested Development may appreciate the reference. Now, every time MR F sees me she has to tell me how terrible I am looking. She is constantly telling me I look exhausted. First, I want to say that yeah I'm a bit tired, but not nearly as much as previous weeks, and second eff-off because recently I've been getting anywhere from 8-12 hours of quality sleep and feel pretty good when I roll into work! Now, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me give you a background of MR F.
MR F has suffered from every medical problem there has ever been and her pregnancy was a freaking miracle because apparently everything that could possibly go wrong, did. So either she's a medical miracle and should be studied closely so the rest of us can benefit from her healing powers, or she's a GD crazy hypochondriac starved for attention. I'm convinced it's the latter. I mean she told me one time that she had to be on bed rest the entire pregnancy only to tell me about a week later that her pregnancy was easy breezy, only to tell me another week later that she was at a constant risk of losing the baby and had to go for weekly ultrasounds. I'm a nice person to acquaintances and it took everything in me not to say, "Girlfriend, get your life together before you open your mouth again."
Here are a few other things MR F does that infuriate me on a practical daily basis:
1. Complains how "healthy" I eat.
2. Complains how non-healthy I eat.
3. Tells me that pregnancy is only going to get harder as I progress (No sh@%)
4. Tells me I will probably get really big because I am little.
5. Tells me this will probably be the worst thing I go through.
6. Tells me this will be the most amazing time of my life.
7. Tells me how hard my life will be once the baby comes and how unhappy I will be for the first 3 years.
8. Tells me how wonderful it is having a baby in the house.
9. Complains to me how "easy" this pregnancy has been so far.
and my favorite- this she tells me every time she sees me
10. Don't think your whole pregnancy will be easy. Just wait it's going to be murder in a couple weeks.
I am swearing on Sweetums' life that these are the interactions I have with MR F almost daily. So for those of you advice givers out there, I really appreciate most of it because obviously this is my first time, but if you feel the need to comment on things MR F has said I will not hesitate to verbally slap you.
So to end this pointless rant on a good note, my favorite artist of ALL time, Bob Dylan, will be touring this summer with some pretty amazing bands. I can't wait to expose Baby V to some pretty great tunes within the womb because obviously we will never listen to stupid kiddie tunes like The Wiggles...... hahahahaha!! Yeah right! But seriously, I really am stocked to see Dylan in concert, for sadly only the second time in my whole life, and rock out with Baby V. wiggling away :).