Hello, my name is Sarah, and I have Bipolar II disorder.
A little more than a year ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II disorder. After my diagnosis, I was in complete denial. I was embarrassed, I felt ashamed, and I didn't know how I was supposed to act. For a while it sent me into a deeper depression than I was already in. The really hard part was figuring out how to accept this diagnosis.
Mental illness is still a taboo topic in our country. It is something that is not discussed frequently. There is lack of knowledge about mental illness by the public, and I feel, that there is a definite air of insecurity around the topic. I think that some people still believe that mental illness is not a real thing, and that it can be turned on and off. I found that some people don't know how to act around you. Many people that I told questioned my diagnosis immediately. I frequently got asked, "Are you sure?" "You should seek a second opinion." "Those doctors don't know what they are talking about." My favorite response was "You don't seem bipolar." The responses only reinforced my feelings of embarrassment. I struggled immensely in my therapy sessions working on coming to terms with this disorder. I frequently questioned the diagnosis looking for a loophole or way out.
Finally, I had a breakthrough. In one of my sessions, my therapist asked me if I had a different disease, like diabetes, would I be ashamed about it? I quietly answered no, and then something clicked. I asked myself "Why should I be ashamed?" This is a disease. This is not something I am choosing. This is like diabetes. It is something that I have to learn to live with and treat. Bipolar disorder is nothing to be ashamed of.
As part of my acceptance, I am sharing with you all. I do not want special treatment from you. I want you to treat me as the same Sarah you knew before you read this because I am still her.
Living with Bipolar II is something I deal with on a daily basis. I know that there will be times when I will suffer from almost crippling depression. I know that there will be times where I might lose control of my situation. I know that this is a disease I can pass on to my children, and I know that their lives will be harder because of it. I also know that it does not define who I am. I refuse to let this disease take over my life. I refuse to let my life be any more affected than it is. I'm not going to say that I will conquer this disease, but I will say I am up to the challenge.
I have become pretty passionate about mental illness awareness. Anytime a conversation, which is not frequent, turns to mental illness, I try to advocate. We need to start bringing awareness to these disorders. They need to stop being pushed under the rug.
Please be aware of those around you, and make sure that you support them in all they are struggling with. You may not understand the disease they are suffering from, but you can help by accepting them as they are.
1 comment:
I am so proud of you for being brave enough to talk about something so personal that, like you said, so many others are afraid to talk about. You are an inspiration! We cannot control the hand we are dealt in life, but we can learn to make the most of it and use our adversity to help others who might be going through the same thing or something similar. I think you are a truly beautiful person inside and out! Don't forget that, even though you MIGHT pass this on to any children you may have, you WILL most definitely pass on to them the beautiful soul that is within you! THAT will define the type of people they become, not any of their genetic material! Love you, Sarah!
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