The root of all evil...

I find myself frequently getting bogged down about money. It's not something that I have a lot of, and to be perfectly honest, getting more isn't going to improve anytime soon. I have an insane amount of student loan debt. In fact, my student loan debt almost matches what Joe and I took out for our house! I have come to terms with the enormous monthly payments, but what I have not come to terms with is the fact that every time I think we are getting settled or ahead, those blood sucking bastards raise my bill!!

Recently my bill went up about an extra $70 a month. We don't really have an extra $70 lying around. Even as I am writing this, I am almost breaking out in hives from the stress of it! Deep breaths. In and out. There we go....

It's mostly frustrating because the reason I have this debt is so I could "get ahead" in life and yet it's holding me back. There are many days when I think "What the hell was I thinking! Be a teacher???  You damn fool!"

Then I walk into my classroom the next day and have one of my students who is practically a mute come up and start a conversation with me about how they had a mouse in their house and how exciting it was to try and catch it. Or another who is reading at a level so low there are no more than two words on a page, and they figure out an unknown word on their own. Seriously my heart soars on those days. In reality, I really am making a difference in their little lives. I don't mean like "hey you're a teacher you make a difference." I mean, I created a bond with that little boy who is too afraid or shy to talk, and I taught that little boy strategies to read that word. I know that I am not alone in this job, and there are endless people to thank, but on those days I know that no matter how little money I have in my pockets, I am doing something that really is truly amazing.

As my previous post stated, I am suffering from baby fever, and as it also stated, I am scared as hell we'll have no money to provide for the little life. As I look back on every month, I need to take into account that:
1. I am still here, and those few extra lbs are proof I am not starving.
2. We do have money that does get our bills paid and a teeny, tiny, little bit left over for some fun things.
3. Screw it, life always seems to work out how it is supposed to.

As my husband pointed out, after talking me off the ledge for the umpteenth time, "We'll go through this together and come out just fine =0)"

Cheers!